Healing from Trauma and Shame: How Therapy Can Help You Reclaim Your Identity
“I deserve what happened to me.” “I will never be good enough.”
Just like that, the difficult and traumatic moments we endure become the lens we see ourselves through. We do not see who we were before it and begin to let it shape our identity. Slowly, we carry the shame and blame of those experiences, and it takes over.
Trauma impacts every part of who we are: body, mind, emotion, and spirit. Sometimes without us knowing, it tries to rewrite our beliefs and creates a narrative that traps us in pain. Quickly, we can lose sight of who we are and only hear the messages others have placed upon us. We begin to change how we react and interact with ourselves and the world. These reactions can look like many things, such as:
Avoiding people and places that remind us of the pain or trigger feelings of being unsafe
Feeling as though we return or flashback to those distressing moments
Excessive blame and shame on ourselves
Fears of others and/or the world
Changes and shifts in our mood, behaviors, and emotions
The impact of these things can be exhausting and it’s okay to allow ourselves to seek support. This may include, talking with our families and friends, reaching out to our communities, connecting with our faith, and consulting professional counseling services.
As we take the courageous steps to face these distressing and emotional circumstances, we begin to challenge these reactions and internalized messages that have been placed upon us. Processing through these impactful experiences can feel overwhelming and look different for everyone. In these steps, we begin to navigate and rebuild healthier versions of ourselves. This can include some of the following factors:
Identifying triggers and physical/emotional reactions
Exploring ways to regulate our mind and soothe our physical symptoms
Discussing hard moments and messages we believe about ourselves
Challenging the narratives of shames and untruths we carry
Focusing on ways to create meaning and purpose
Having grace with ourselves as we manage our growth and healing
Shifting from “I deserved what happened to me” to “I am not what happened to me” or “I am not who they told me I was”, is the work of healing, grieving, and identifying all parts of who we really are. As we grow, we learn to accept this forever-changed version of ourselves without the lens of shame. It is the ability to live with the distressing moments and not let them become who we are.
